The One Where Zim Succeeds
by Xander
Summary: Dib and Gaz have accidently wandered into an alternate dimension where Zim has actually conquered the world. *Newly updated! Now Finished!* Co-written by Miss Egypt.
1. The Beginning...

The One Where Zim Succeeds   
By Xander and Miss Egypt  
  
  
(Slightly Less-Demented, Yet Handsomely Dashing Author's note: I, nor Miss Egypt, own Invader Zim, or anything else that may be referenced in this Fic. However, any references is a sign of respect for any particular thing we may reference and no harm is intended. So, Jhonen, no sending Johnny after us, okay? Thanks.  
  
And while I'm thanking people, Cameron: Thanks for Untitled. It's even better than Almost Famous. You know what I mean. No one else does, but that's okay.  
  
Now...on with the madness!)  
  
  
  
Dib and Gaz sat on the playground. Gaz played Vampire Piggy Hunter 3 on her Game Slave 2, while Dib read a book on Alternate Dimensions.  
  
Zim walked up. "Hello Dib. Nice book. Thinking of returning to the Room with a moose anytime soon?"  
  
"No Zim. In fact this book says that the ability to travel between dimensions is impossible," replied Dib.  
  
"That's absurd! I've proven otherwise! I was tried to send you to a room with a moose!" exclaimed Zim.  
  
"You know what you two are doing?" asked Gaz.  
  
"No, what?" replied Zim.  
  
"ANNOYING ME!!!" exclaimed Gaz.  
  
Zim slowly backed away with a scared look on his face. Dib returned to his book.  
  
***  
  
Dib and Gaz walked home together. They began walking across the street, but walked into a dimensional portal instead.  
  
Dib and Gaz immediately knew something was up, because they were in a tunnel, and there was a lot of bright shiny light. Gaz pulled out a pair of sunglasses and returned to her Game Slave 2.   
  
Dib and Gaz could hear voices around them. The voices belonged to Dib and Gaz.  
  
"Gaz! You wouldn't believe all the cool stuff Zim has! There's stuff here I would never have imagined! I gonna try and blow it up!"  
  
"You think you own all the cereal. But you don't Dib, you just don't."  
  
"He was using the Belt Sander."  
  
"Delicious! I'm still delicious! Nobody should be this delicious!"  
  
They finally landed back in their world. Well, it looked like their world, except that everything was in fiery ruins, the human race was enslaved, and there was a giant statue of Zim, that had a plauqe below it that read: Supreme Ruler of the Humans. There was a lesser statue of GIR that read: Supreme Ruler's Supreme Robot Unit.  
  
Dib fell to his knees, screaming. Gaz looked around casually, and went back to Vampire Piggy Hunter 3, mainly because she had made it all the way to the head Vampire Piggy. 


	2. Vampire Piggy Hunter 3 and Zim's bigger ...

Dib's first inclination was to look in the direction of his and Zim's houses, and he did so. He heard maniacal laughter ringing out from the area and saw a crowd of people part as Zim walked into view. GIR was giggling happily to himself, sucking on a Chocolate Bubble gum Brainfreezy thingy.  
  
The scene had gone unnoticed to Gaz, who was staring in determination as a horde of Vampire Piggies came charging her on her Game Slave 2.  
  
"You may all go back to your simple lives…" said Zim, walking closer to where Dib was standing. Zim stopped short, staring at Dib. He then broke out in one of his evil Zim laughs, saying, "The portal has opened in favor of me, Dib. The human race has fallen at my feet!! I am the Supreme Ruler of Humans, I am ZIM!!"   
  
Dib stared. "But you're the same moron I saw in my reality…"  
  
This was true; Zim was the same Zim, but in this particular dimension world domination had become his.   
  
GIR came running up to them. "I wish to lick the pork chops until they gleam in the early winter's moonlight!!"  
  
Both Zim and Dib blinked in surprise, mainly because they could not think of how to otherwise respond. They quickly returned to their banter.  
  
"You will worship me, Dib. For I am Zim! Supreme ruler! I will rule you with an Iron Fist!" exclaimed Zim.  
  
"You may have triumphed in this reality Zim, but you'll never beat me in my reality, or anywhere other reality!" exclaimed Dib.  
  
"Oh, but I have beaten you in this reality. Observe," said Zim. GIR turned on his hologram projector.   
  
Begin Hologram:  
  
It showed video of Dib from the alternate universe. He looked like regular Dib, except he wore lighter clothes, and on this occasion, he was wearing a hula shirt. Zim walked up.  
  
"I will do something I should've done from the beginning, Dib. I'm going to kill you," said Zim. Zim then pulled out a ray gun and vaporized Dib.  
  
End Hologram.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Dib, falling to his knees.  
  
"Would you please shut up! I'm trying to kill the piggies!" exclaimed Gaz.  
  
Dib shut up.  
  
"But, Dib, I quickly became bored. A world without challenges is boring. The people I control bend over backwards. They're like noodles. There's no real challenge. I need an adversary. Someone who will try to foil my plots. Stuff like that," replied Zim.  
  
"But what about the Zim in my reality? Are you getting me out of the way so that he can take over the world there too? Is that what all you posturing is about?" asked Dib.  
  
"Yes," replied Zim. 


	3. Day-Glo Rubber Pants in Winter!!!!

"DIDN'T YA HEAR ME???!!!" laughed GIR loudly. "I MUST LICK THE PORK CHOPS UNTIL THEY GLEAM!!!"  
  
Zim laughed nervously and quickly handed GIR another Brainfreezy to get him to shut up.  
  
"But I do exist in my own dimension, the actual reality, right?" said Dib.  
  
"Yes," Zim said again.  
  
Dib took a moment to observe his surroundings. A few buildings nearby were smoldering. What appeared to be this alternate dimension's version of the Webbed Fish Toe kid was sitting on a stoop, slathering oysters on his face. A sickly version of Regis Philbin came waddling toward them, drooling at the mouth, and appeared to have a rash on his eyelids.  
  
"It's no wonder you can control these other versions of people!" Dib yelled angrily at Zim. "They're drooling morons….more so than before…"  
  
Zim broke out into one of his evil Zim laughs.  
  
Suddenly, a loud burst of music issued onto the street where Dib, Gaz, Zim, and GIR were standing. It was Defeat You by Smash Mouth. It appeared to be the same song as the one in the actual reality.  
  
"Hey…I know where you're from, it makes it that much nicer to meet you, hey… I know what you've done, it makes it that much better to defeat you…"  
  
GIR began dancing, naturally, and whipped out a bottle of A1 steak sauce. He opened the bottle, tilted it back, and began to drink it.  
  
Zim didn't seem to notice or care. He just really liked the words "it makes it that much better to defeat you."  
  
"I have a spatula lodged in my throat," wheezed the sickly version of Regis.  
  
Dib was in a reeling disbelief that all of this was happening. He slapped himself repeatedly, hoping he could wake up or something. Obviously, nothing happened, so he backed away slowly and ran off, as the sickly Regis moved toward him, clutching his throat and gasping for air.  
  
Gaz stood rooted to the spot. She was almost past level 32.  
  
Dib ran into Zim's house. It was twice the size that it was before. But Dib expected this, I mean after all, the supreme ruler of the world and his supreme robot slept here. It had to be big.  
  
GIR sat in front of the T.V, watching the Scary Monkey show.   
  
"I love this show," said Gir. He noticed Dib, and immediately went into alert mode. "I'M GUARDING THE HOUSE!"  
  
"Yikes! Okay…okay!" exclaimed Dib.  
  
Gir went back to normal. "Want a cupcake?" A cupcake catapulted out of GIR's head and into his hand.   
  
"No thanks. I remember what happened the last time I ate one of those," replied Dib.  
  
"Oh these don't make you stupid," replied Gir.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep. They turn you into a monkey instead," replied GIR, who then began mimicking a monkey.   
  
Dib wondered if Zim knew that…  
  
He shuddered suddenly when he felt someone breathing on his neck. Dib turned to see the sickly version of Regis, who had apparently followed him.  
  
"I like coconuts," the sickly Regis wheezed.  
  
Dib squinted one eye (you know, the way Zim characters do) and shoved Regis out the door of the lair.  
  
Zim arrived at his larger home, expecting that Dib had seen it. He turned to watch the sickly version of Regis flop into the middle of the street, turn himself inside-out, and explode.   
  
Zim shrugged, and turned into the walk leading up to his home base. He went inside, and saw, as he figured, Dib there.   
  
"So, Dib, what do you think about this world, now that it's MINE!!!?" Zim said, laughing wickedly.  
  
"I dunno, but what is going on outside?" said Dib, drawing everyone's attention to what was happening out on the street outside Zim's house.   
  
A team of about 10 elderly ladies in their seventies or eighties were forming a human pyramid outside on the street.  
  
"Okay…" said Zim, turning away.   
  
GIR, who had moments before walked unnoticed into the kitchen, came out with a batch of his old cupcakes, the ones which inflicted insanity, not monkey-like behavior.   
  
"I got more cupcakes!" he announced.   
  
Before Zim could do anything to stop him, GIR shoved about five or six down Zim's throat. Now the "Supreme Ruler of the World" would become even more demented than he already was. And if he controlled everything…  
  
Dib stared as a sick, twisted version of Conan O'Brien came break-dancing along the sidewalk while vomiting up cheese curds and live goldfish.  
  
"I don't know if this is possible, but I think since Zim took over the world, things have actually gotten stranger," said Dib, reflecting on what was going on.  
  
"HOLY DAY-GLOW RUBBER PANTS IN WINTER! Gir! What have you done?" exclaimed Zim.  
  
"I fed you some of my cupcakes," replied Gir.  
  
"The ones that make you stupid, or the ones that turn you into a monkey?" asked Zim.  
  
"Hmm…The ones that make you stupid."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" exclaimed Zim, falling to his knees.   
  
"Dib, I need the cure, for my neurons are already beginning to suffer the abuse of these horrific cupcakes! AAARRRGGHHH!" Zim shrieked as about 18 of his brain cells….melted.  
  
Dib knew that there was no way that he'd let Zim have the neuron-saving concoction that counteracted this madness…. In fact, it might be the way to Dib saving, or at least getting out of, this dimension.  
  
"The marshmallows! THEY HAUNT ME!!!" Zim ranted, suffering a little pain as another 5 Irken brain cells dissolved.  
  
"Fun!!" squealed GIR happily, as he began sucking on another Brainfreezy, which appeared to have materialized at GIR's will.  
  
Zim regained control of his mind, as would happen every now and then between spasms of exploding/imploding/melting/erupting brain cells.  
  
"I need to do something --- before my brain is reduced to nothing!" said Zim. "I BELONG TO THE ASTERISKS!!"  
  
Dib stared. "Why should I help you? You vaporized me!"  
  
"I didn't vaporize you…I vaporized the other you…from this world," replied Zim. Then there was another neuron spasm. 15 neurons went down the metaphoric toilet this time. "Holy Spasming Burritos! "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" contains the answers to all life's questions! And those unanswered can be answered in "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey"!!"   
  
"WHAT?!!!" exclaimed Dib.  
  
Zim regained control. "Please help me! I'll let you be co-ruler! PLEASSEEE!!!"  
  
"Co-ruler eh…hmmm…" thought Dib. 


	4. The Pitiful Failure

At the moment, Dib was feeling really against the world. At skool, he had been mocked yet again for drawing attention to Zim's obvious… alien likeness. He knew for certain that Gaz didn't even care what was going on at the moment, as long as she could play her Game Slave 2.   
  
But yet he wanted to save the world, the world Zim wanted to destroy.   
  
Suddenly, a large, 87-pound rainbow trout appeared out of nowhere, slapped Dib across the face, sending him out of his thoughts and back into this pseudo-reality. The trout then vanished, its job done.  
  
"Yesssss….co-ruler…" Dib thought again. He knew he had to do something. Perhaps he could still save this realm, thus somehow getting back to his own…  
  
Zim lost it again (those deranged cupcakes are potent stuff) and began shouting about malevolent fireflies, empty eye sockets, and someone called Squeegee.  
Meanwhile, Gaz was still at the place further in town where she and Dib had arrived through the portal thingy. She heard Zim's screeches clear over there, and wondered briefly if maybe something was wrong. She then ceased to care and resumed playing.  
  
Dib finally figured out what Zim was yelling about. He correctly caught the stuff about the fireflies, and the eye sockets, but the third thing was actually Squee, the heavily disturbed child in the comic "Johnny, the Homicidal Maniac," written by none other than Jhonen Vasquez.  
  
Gaz found the secret level of "Vampire Piggy Hunter 3" where she had to fight a mutated vampire camel. There was much rejoicing on her part. She was newly focused on her game and continued to ignore Dib and Zim.  
  
"I wanna dance!" announced GIR loudly for no apparent reason.  
  
"What does Squee have to do with your cupcake problem?" Dib asked Zim, ignoring GIR.  
  
"I….don't….know…" said Zim slowly, relieved to have his head back in control for the moment.  
  
GIR whipped out a CD and trotted over to a sound system next to the immensely large television set. He hummed the Doom Song while he selected the track, and started jamming to "Where's Your Head At" by Basement Jaxx.   
  
"Well!" shrieked Zim over the noise. "You wanna help me or what?"  
  
"No, I don't want to….but if it can get me out of this dimension and back to saving my own….I don't know…" pondered Dib. He was so lost in this decision, that he didn't even notice the break-dancing sumo wrestler outside on the street.  
  
The disc changed. "Iko Iko" by Aaron Carter started playing. It may never be determined why there was an Aaron Carter CD in the sound system beyond the fact that the Less Demented, Yet Handsomely Dashing Author was currently listening to this very song on his MP3 jukebox. The Less Demented, Yet Handsomely Dashing Author had rather eclectic tastes.  
  
Dib rubbed his chin. He was still unsure whether or not to become co-ruler with Zim.   
  
Another few neurons blew in Zim's head. "Research has been known to cause cancer in lab rats!"  
  
Dib pulled a vial out of the inner pocket of his trench coat. He handed it to Zim on one condition. "That you get into your little spaceship and leave forever."  
  
"I agree," replied Zim, snatching the vial from Dib's hand and downing it. He was instantaneously cured. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dib, I lied. I LIED! Your pitiful rescue of the planet is now a pitiful failure! Stupid, stinky humans."  
  
"I anticipated that Zim, which is why I also carry this," said Dib, who promptly pulled a seltzer water bottle out from under his jacket and sprayed Zim with a bunch of water.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It hurts! It hurts!" screamed Zim, as he ran around. 


	5. Mr. Whipple's Buttcheeks and The MIGHTY ...

"Ooh….I like suspense," said GIR excitedly, sucking on the Brainfreezy on the couch.  
  
"WHY MUST THIS BE??!!! WHY!!!???" shrieked Zim, who was currently rolling around on the floor in pain.  
  
Dib glanced out the window and saw this dimension's version of Mr. Whipple. He waddled up to the entrance of Zim's lair. He unzipped his butt cheeks and left them laying by the door. Mr. Whipple chortled to himself as he rang the doorbell and ran away.  
  
"Um….was I the only one to see that?" said Dib.  
  
He was the only one to see it, but not the only one to hear the doorbell. GIR flung himself off the couch and to the door, opening it to find Mr. Whipple's butt cheeks on the doorstep.  
  
"Don't forget to squeeze the Charmin!" Gir called out after him. "I love that show."  
  
Gir picked up the butt cheeks and walked back to the couch. Gir placed the butt cheeks beside him, and continued to watch the Scary Monkey Show. Gir sucked on his Brainfreezy. "I got chocolate bubble-gum!"  
  
And at that moment, all the stress Dib was experiencing took its toll as he immediately had a complete and total nervous breakdown. He ran from Zim's house, screaming.  
  
Zim looked over to Gir. "What was that all about?"  
  
Gir shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno."  
  
Dib ran to the street where he and Gaz had arrived through the dimension portal.  
  
"That was mighty disturbing," gasped Dib as he caught his breath.  
  
Gaz paused her game and looked severely annoyed.  
  
"Mr. Whipple just left his butt cheeks on Zim's doorstep!" said Dib angrily, making wild gestures with his arms before passing out.  
  
Gaz, satisfied that Dib wouldn't bug her for a while, resumed playing.  
  
Back at Zim's lair, Zim was staring disgustedly at the pair of butt cheeks that GIR seemed not to care about.   
  
"I wonder if they're edible?" said GIR happily a few moments later.  
  
"No, GIR, I don't believe you should try something so….ill," replied Zim.  
  
When Dib came to, Gaz hadn't moved an inch, but nightfall had descended upon this sickly dimension which Zim supposedly ruled. He was overcome with the urge to shout something to the zoned-out occupants of this sad reality, to get them to do something, maybe change the way things were.  
  
"I LIKE NOODLES AND I CANNOT LIE!!!" Dib shrieked, immediately wondering why he said what he said. "YOU OTHER PSYCHOS CAN'T DENY!!!"  
  
Gaz paused her game long enough to give Dib a weird look. "Sick," she mumbled.  
  
"Fear not thine own waffles, for it is time for the imploding eyes parade! Complete with pulsating postal workers!"  
  
"Dib, you're BUGGING ME!!!" Gaz hissed in that creepy way she does.  
  
Dib quit yelling.  
  
Gir changed the channel on the T.V. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on, which was appropriate, given the presence of the word 'doom' in the title. It was the part where Indy was about to cut the rope bridge in half.  
  
"This is my favorite part," said Gir, pulling a cupcake out of his head.  
  
Indy cut the rope bridge, and a bunch of crazy cult members fell into the river to be consumed by crocodiles. Gir immediately begin to laugh insanely. Everyone else stared at Gir blankly. Gir stared back, and then ate his cupcake whole.  
  
"Alrighty….what's this….Indiana Jones…?" muttered Zim, staring into the television.  
  
"He's an archaeologist fella!!" shouted GIR gleefully, who began to examine Mr. Whipple's butt cheeks, which began to look tasty. GIR began eating one of them, and Zim was disgusted, threatening to heave.  
  
"Mm…needs salt, yes…" murmured GIR, finishing his sickly snack.  
  
Meanwhile, in the streets where Gaz was determinedly playing her GameSlave2, surprise, surprise, and where Dib had passed out and awakened a few moments ago, nothing seemed to be occurring. Well, nothing that was more disturbing than what Dib had already become witness to.  
  
Nightfall had however, sent a series of shadows looming about everything, and an impossibly immense, heavy chill had set in upon the place and seemed to press in against his mind, even as though it was trying to make his brain cave in.   
  
Dib feared for his sanity, this was worse than any nightmare; he considered his chances… He was startled when something hit him in the head.  
  
Cheese curds had begun to fall from the sky. FLAMING CHEESE CURDS!!!!  
  
Gaz, as much as she wanted to, couldn't ignore this. "WHY MUST THIS CONSPIRACY WORLD OF YOURS INTERFERE WITH MY GAME!!???" she screamed at Dib, left eye twitching.  
  
Dib was about to answer when a tall, trench coat-clad figure shouted from down the street,   
"I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DISTRIBUTION OF FLAMING CHEESE! I now go scare people with…STAPLES!!!" This statement was followed by psychopathic laughter.  
  
Gaz paused her game for the first time in this story, and glanced over to Dib. "I'm going to have to destroy you."  
  
Gaz unpaused her game and resumed hunting the vampire piggies.  
  
"But I didn't do anything…" muttered Dib, staring in the direction of the tall figure, who seemed quite likely a little wrong in the head. A crazy thought occurred to Dib…maybe this person would know something about this dimension…maybe he could be of help….  
  
Dib walked over to the shadowy figure.   
  
"Hello Dib, I never figured we'd meet again. If I had known that you knew how to travel between dimensions as well, then our day together would have been far more interesting," said the shadowy figure.  
  
"Um…Career Day?" asked Dib.  
  
"Yes," the figure answered.   
  
"You're that Bill guy that was after Cocoa Fang," continued Dib.  
  
"No, actually, I just said what came into my mind first, and the Career Day episode happened to be it. So I'm not the 'paranormal investigator' you ended up with. In conclusion, I now need crescent rolls," said the person.  
  
"So…WHO ARE YOU ALREADY!!!????" shouted Dib, who was beyond frustration. The moonlight was extremely low, and it was very hard to see this tall psychopath standing in the shadows…. Dib could just see his colored, spiked hair and was about to say something when a murderous scream filled the air.  
  
Gaz's batteries had run out of electrical GameSlave2 life juice, and she was suffering the loss. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Gaz was desperate. "I must have a spare pair of batteries with me….NOOOOOO!!!!" Her eyes were twitching with rage, and her fists were shaking. "I'm sure this place has to have a convenience store with batteries…or it will face my wrath," she hissed.  
  
Meanwhile, back at Zim's lair, GIR was still staring fixedly at Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. "GO INDY!!!" he squealed excitedly.  
  
Zim was ignoring GIR, thinking about what he should do with Dib now that he was in this defeated dimension….perhaps Zim could close the dimension portal, allowing the Zim in the actual reality to conquer the globe, for Dib wouldn't be there to ruin any plots…  
  
Back outside, by the statues of Zim and GIR where Dib and Gaz had first arrived….  
  
"Crescent rolls?" Dib looked up at the tall figure.  
  
"Yessss….."  
  
The person's glasses caught a glare from the moonlight, and Dib briefly wondered how Jhonen had managed to show up in this reality.  
  
"I'm confused…I've seen you around before. You duct taped my father to a lamppost. What is your name?" asked Dib.  
  
"Jhonen Vasquez," replied the shadowy figure.  
  
"How did you get here?" asked Dib, thoroughly fascinated.  
  
"Oh, my family has known the art of dimension jumping for centuries."  
  
"Can you get me and my sister home?" asked Dib.  
  
"I'm afraid not. Your universe exists for me only in my subconscious! For me to travel there would cause a paradox so large that the universe would cease to exist," replied Jhonen.   
  
"But…you were in my world before!" pleaded Dib.  
  
"Ah yes…but that time, it was a version of me, created by a very demented author. An author far, far, far more demented than I," replied Jhonen. "But never fear, dear Dib, ask yourself one question. 'How did Zim get you here?'"  
  
"One last question. How is it that you're able to be here?" asked Dib, ever the investigator, on a quest for knowledge.  
  
"Because, simply, never in my wildest dreams did I ever, EVER think Zim would succeed," replied the MIGHTY Vasquez, who promptly disappeared back into the shadows. 


	6. Orange Peels and You're So Vain

"I'm still confused," Dib muttered. "I think...yet no one can be more demented than Vasquez.."  
  
"NOW, ON WITH THE STAPLE TRAUMA!!!" shouted Jhonen insanely from the shadows, whipping out a staple gun. He ran off down the street, laughing maniacally, and Dib heard screams of pedestrians.  
  
"No, I don't believe anyone is more ill than he is." affirmed Dib to himself. "So.. How did Zim get me here?"  
  
Meanwhile, Gaz was shaking with a rage that she had to use her last spare pair of batteries at skool.. She ran desperately down the street on a quest to find a convenience store of some type. She had hardly even noticed that something had happened with a dimension switch, she was so dedicated to that game. Gaz flinched angrily, remembering the one level she had left before conquering the game.  
  
Inside Zim's base, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom had ended. "Aww.I loveded you, Indy, I loveded you!!! Why'd you have to end!!!???" cried GIR from the couch, sucking on yet another Brainfreezy. "Oh well, I'm gonna go outside."  
  
Zim didn't notice GIR zip up his disguise, and leave the base.  
  
"Doom, doom, doom, doomy-doom, doom." sang GIR giddily, skipping along down the sidewalk.  
  
He came to a stop when a curious sight met his eyes. A familiar- looking, tall, thin, trench-coat & glasses clad man was laughing evilly as he was stapling people to various objects. "OOH, FUN!!!" GIR squealed, chasing after Jhonen.  
  
Gaz ran into the burnt out convenience store she spotted. A sign saying "Quik Stop" was barely plastered to the front. Gaz dove through the broken front window, and looked in vain through the debris, until she found a lone, solitary pack of AA batteries. She quickly exchanged the batteries, and all was right once again.  
  
Dib watched in utter confusion as Jhonen continued to staple people to things.  
  
GIR ran behind Jhonen, sucking hard on his Chocolate Bubblegum Brainfreezy.  
  
"GIR, I need you to.GIR? GIR!! What the.." Zim looked around his larger lair in hopes of seeing his sir unit still watching TV or something.  
  
Zim ran to the window, hearing screams and maniacal laughter. At first he assumed this was GIR's doing, and Zim grinned to himself, remembering the sweetness of having conquered this dimension and earning the power to do as he wished, including torture the human race. But he heard the laughter of someone else, shouting nonsensical things at random. So it wasn't GIR's doing.  
  
Zim raced to a back room, slapped his human-disguise contacts into place as well as his wig-thingy, and ran out of his lair to investigate.  
  
"Fear the salamander oils which will soon possess the elderly!"  
  
Dib watched, now in some degree of horror, as Jhonen stapled someone's eye shut. GIR was giggling happily at Jhonen's feet, wanting to try the staple magic too.  
  
Gaz was returning to where she had last seen Dib; the shadowy section of the street where screams were coming from. The sight of Jhonen going on a rampage with a staple gun met her eyes, and she smirked.  
  
Gaz returned to her game, stowing the staple gun rampage as a possible way to destroy Dib.  
  
Zim ran after Jhonen and GIR, determined to get in on the horrific fun himself, leaving his lair wide open for the desperate Dib to find a way home.  
  
Dib ran instinctively in the direction of Zim's lair. He was distracted on his way, however, as he saw the same team of elderly grannies that formed the human pyramid earlier. They were convulsing, looking about to heave, all of them. One looked in Dib's general direction and looked as though she were pleading for help.  
  
Dib backed away slowly, only to hear them scream as their organs slithered out of their mouths, moving independently in their own different directions as though they had minds of their own. The various organs slithered rapidly down the street.  
  
Now Dib felt about to vomit..  
  
Jhonen, closely followed by GIR and Zim, was the first one to witness the stampeding runaway organs down on that side of the block.  
  
"GAHHHH!!!! I ran out of staples with which to destroy them!" he shouted.  
  
"Yay!" GIR chirped in reply.  
  
"No, GIR." sighed Zim.  
  
Dib, about to do some serious hurling, (and the Less Demented, Yet Handsomely Dashing Author was about to do some serious sympathy hurling) ran into Zim's lair.  
  
Dib calmed down as soon as he was inside, and no longer had to look at the disgusting, stampeding organs. He set about trying to find a way into Zim's basement labs.  
  
"How did Zim get me here, how did Zim get me here?" he repeated absentmindedly, searching for a passage that would lead to Zim's labs. "He must have used some invention of his..or something."  
  
Meanwhile, at the grotesque parade of runaway organs, GIR, forever the "advanced" sir unit, decided to take action. "I'm gonna lick them up!" he shouted, seeing this as a logical way of defeating the various lungs, hearts, kidneys, etc.  
  
Zim, not really prepared to see this, shut his eyes. "For the love of steel-coated peppermint," he sighed.  
  
Dib walked over to the toilet in the kitchen and pulled the chain in frustration. He saw the bottom open up into a tunnel.  
  
"That's it!" exclaimed Dib. He ran out of the lair to get Gaz.  
  
He began running down the street, but stopped dead in his tracks when he remembered the juicy slithering guts. He took a deep breath, tried not to hurl, and ran down the street to Gaz, who could care less about the runaway organs in all their grossness.  
  
"Gaz, I found Zim's labs! I found a way out of here! GAZ!" shouted Dib breathlessly as he approached her.  
  
"Not now, Dib, I'm trying to play a game here!" Gaz replied.  
  
"But you can play that at our home when we get back," said Dib in frustration.  
  
Gaz didn't give a reply.  
  
Dib looked up, and nearly passed out, as he saw that GIR thing of Zim's licking all those grotesque innards. "Gaz, please, let's go, now." he mumbled. "We can have pizza or something when we get back.."  
  
Gaz lifted her face from the game. "Pizza? Well..when I finish these last five levels."  
  
Dib rolled his eyes. "Can't you save it or something? This may be our only chance to get home!"  
  
"Oh.all right!" replied Gaz. Gaz paused her Game Slave 2 and followed Dib. They quickly ran into Zim's lair. Dib climbed into the toilet elevator, pulled the chain, and was flushed down into the labs.  
  
Dib went down a long tube until he reached the main lab. Dib waited patiently for Gaz to follow.  
  
Gaz stood by the toilet, playing her game again.  
  
"Gaz! Com'n! We don't have much time!" exclaimed Dib, from below.  
  
"Oh all right!" exclaimed Gaz, who climbed into the toilet, and flushed herself too.  
  
"Ooh, this tastes pretty funny!" exclaimed GIR, who hadn't exactly succeeded in his plan to destroy the runaway organs by licking them.  
  
"GIR, quit it. First Mr. Whipple's. um.yeah.and then these frolicking guts. I command you to stop!" shrieked Zim, who mistakenly opened his eyes while GIR was taking action.  
  
"Yes, Master," sighed GIR. Another Brainfreezy appeared at his will.  
  
"This is amazing," muttered Dib, down in Zim's labs, Gaz walking irritably at his heels. She really hated doing anything Dib thought was best, but if pizza could be achieved by getting home. Only three more levels left until the final boss.  
  
Out by the useless innards and the staple-traumatized victims, Zim realized that Dib wasn't anywhere in sight. This concerned him. What if Dib had made a break for Zim's labs? There he would find the machine used to control the dimension portal..  
  
GIR was more concerned about Jhonen running out of staples for the staple gun.  
  
"Aww.what are you gonna use now?" asked GIR worriedly, staring up at Jhonen.  
  
"I need a weapon with which I will destroy these evil, evil innards," he replied.  
  
"A weapon? I'll get it!!" said GIR happily. He ran off down an alley and past a smoldering building that used to sell golden toothpicks, walrus tusks, and ancient artifacts. He stopped at a tipped over garbage can, where he fished out something and ran back to his master and creator.  
  
"Here's your weapon!" shouted GIR excitedly, waving an orange peel in front of Zim and Jhonen.  
  
Meanwhile, deep beneath Zim's lair, in one of the larger sections of his labs, Dib spotted something against a wall. A large, strange looking machine was before him, equipped with many bizarre wires and structures.  
  
"I dreamt there were clouds in my coffee! YOU'RE SO VAIN! You probably think this song is about you! You're so vain!" sang Zim, doing a little dance.  
  
Meanwhile, in Zim's labs, Dib tried, in vain, to get the machine to work. It suddenly fired up the machine. Gaz stood off to the side, still playing her game.  
  
Suddenly, Zim appeared behind Dib and Gaz.  
  
"Where do you think you're going, little Dib," asked Zim.  
  
"You're so vain! You probably think this song is about you!" sang Dib, in return, with no idea why. 


	7. Oh My Tallest

"Actually, I don't believe that song is about me… I KNEW YOU'D BE HERE!!" shrieked Zim.  
  
"Yeah?" said Dib defensively. "And I know you're behind the runaway organs!"  
  
"Huh? Oh those organs," said Zim. "Yes… GIR and Jhonen are trying to rid us of them with an orange peel. But in this dimension all of the elderly tend to die because of their organs suddenly leaving them. That is nothing new here."  
  
"Sick," mumbled Dib. "I almost hurled!"  
  
"Feel free, human filth," said Zim. "Once I realized you had most likely taken off for my labs, I knew I had to stop you, so I followed. You can't leave this dimension so easily…"  
  
Before long, Zim and Dib were in a full-fledged battle. This had gone completely unnoticed to Gaz, who had just advanced another level.  
  
A battle of the stranger sort was taking place outside. GIR was relentlessly beating a pair of kidneys, a stomach, and a left lung with the orange peel. Jhonen watched as this was again useless. He pulled the sword he had used to fight Professor Membrane (see Attack of the Flannel-Hating Killer Robot) out of nowhere, and began stabbing and slicing the organs.  
  
GIR stood back and watched, a little scared but very interested. For lack of anything else to do, he walked up to a passing pedestrian and ripped out their eyes, and began to juggle them for his own entertainment as Jhonen continued destroying the various, evil, evil innards.   
  
In the continued struggle, Zim and Dib threw each other around the lab in an increased bout of utter violence. Gaz stood in the corner, completely absorbed in her Game Slave 2.  
  
Zim and Dib, locked in dual strangulation, threw each other through the portal. Dib reached through the portal, grabbed Gaz and pulled her through too.  
  
Gaz, back in her own world, looked at her game. The vampire piggies had killed her character. "Dib made me die. He will PAY!"  
  
Zim, who had landed in the actual world face-first onto the hard floor of his actual lab, stood up, and tried to shake his head clear. No… Dib and Gaz were in their rightful world!! Zim was quite angry at this thought, but it was nothing compared to the fear that swept over him when he remembered…. GIR was left behind. With Jhonen. Killing the merrily frolicking innards. This was not good.  
  
"Well, Zim," said Dib, smirking. "I stopped you yet again. You'll just have to face that your plans are too weak for the power of my fighting for mankind!"  
  
Zim was still too dazed to speak. He saw that Dib, too, hadn't returned to the rightful reality without injury; there was a cut on the side of his face that was oozing red human life juice. All Gaz had noticed was that her character had died the level before the Ultra Vampire Piggy Boss. She was in a demented, furious shock.  
  
They were in Zim's actual lab, outside the dimension machine, which was still there and flickering on and off. Dib looked around at various computer networks and experiments… What bizarre technology!   
  
Finally, Zim felt his strength returned enough to say something, although it meant nothing whatsoever. "I possess the all-knowing fuzzy dice," he said.   
  
Dib stared.  
  
The portal in the machine began to glare a blinding light. The dimension was being crossed again! Without warning, kidneys, lungs, hearts, brains, livers, intestines, stomachs, spleens, and all those lovely innards that had escaped the bodies of the elderly grannies came bursting through the portal machine into the actual reality. They were quickly followed by a happily squealing GIR, brandishing the orange peel, and Jhonen, wielding the sword. The organs were still very much slithering about.  
  
"That's it! I'm outta here! I'll defeat you later, when you're not up to your knees in innards!" exclaimed Dib, leaving the lair. Gaz followed, mumbling about having to destroy Dib now.  
  
Dib walked out of the house and glanced at his watch. It was time for Mysterious Mysteries. Dib let out a high pitched squeal and dashed home.  
  
That left Zim in his lab to deal with GIR and Jhonen and dozens of slithering organs.  
  
"Where's my decapitated coffee salesman?" asked Zim for lack of anything else to say.  
  
"I dunno," replied GIR, shrugging. In the actual reality, here, he wasn't the supreme ruler of the human beings' sir unit. Brainfreezies would no longer appear at his will, which he had just tried to do. "Aww… My Freezies!" he said, disappointed.  
  
As Dib raced along the sidewalk, something occurred to him. When he had spoken to Jhonen in that sickly Zim-ruled dimension, Jhonen had stated that he couldn't reside in something caused of his own imagination, or a paradox would result. This had been what had confused Dib, but now, somehow, he understood. Somehow he figured out that Jhonen's actual existence in this reality would leave a gaping tear in another dimension that wasn't the Zim reality. Dib was confused again, lost in thought. "Aw, heck with it," he said out loud. "The universe is gonna implode upon itself like Ms. Bitters was saying all along."  
  
Gaz continued walking home, completely ignoring Dib, looking forward to the pizza she would order when she got there.  
  
Dib continued his pondering to himself. "And Jhonen came back through the dimension portal back there in Zim's lab… Either the universe is going to implode, or we're not really home…" He looked skyward, where a star began to glow. It suddenly fell from the sky, coming to land on the street in front of him for no apparent reason. It wasn't even a star. It was a giant bloodsucking spider. Needless to say, it splattered from the impact of falling through Earth's atmosphere and onto the road in front of Dib.  
  
Dib shrugged at the spider that had ceased to be and made up his mind. He'd have to go back to Zim's labs to see what was going on, even if it meant missing Mysterious Mysteries… But this was plenty paranormal all in itself. He raced back to where he had just come from.  
  
Back in those labs, Zim walked over to examine the machine, while a pair of lungs began gnawing on his heels, making sick squishing noises. The machine WASN'T set for the actual reality after all… they weren't really home!  
  
"GIR!"  
  
"Yeeesss?"  
  
"Did you by any chance toy with this machine?"  
  
"Um…maybe?"  
  
"GIR!!!"  
  
"The cheese men in my head told me to do it! It was the cheese men!" squealed GIR, looking up at his wrathful master. Then GIR's tone changed completely. "I set it for a dimension where our world is taken over by evil ballerinas dressed in leech suits!"  
  
Zim stared. So they still needed to get back home. No problem, he'd just set the machine back… He tried to turn the necessary knob thingy, but it broke off in his hand. It appeared they were stuck. "Oh my Tallest," muttered Zim in disgust.  
  
"NO! NOOOOO!!! DIE! DIE, I SAY!!" yelled Jhonen across the room, relentlessly slicing a trio of intestines.  
  
Dib looked over at the splattered spider. "Eh…Heheh…Gaz, I don't think we're back home yet."  
  
"Does this world have AA batteries?" asked Gaz.  
  
"Probably."  
  
"Eh…" replied Gaz, shrugging her shoulders. She went back to her game.  
  
"Anyway, I thought you went home," said Dib.  
  
"Oh… Our house isn't here in this reality, so of course I knew your little friend Zim had most likely messed things up…and I came back," replied Gaz.  
  
"Huh, whatever," said Dib. Then it hit him. "OUR HOUSE IS GONE?!"  
  
"Well, no. There's just a horde of evil ballerinas in leech suits using it as a meeting center. There's no way I'm going anywhere near them… though maybe I could kill them…" Gaz trailed off and didn't care too much when her game had once again shut down due to lack of battery power (the batteries she got in the other dimension were quite cheap). Her character had died only two levels ago, anyway. Those two levels were easy to pass.  
  
They continued walking, in silence, to Zim's base, when a slithering form approached them. Dib cringed thinking it was the organs, but somehow wasn't surprised when a ballerina in a leech suit came crawling in a grotesque manner toward them.  
  
"My fellow anthropologists," the ballerina began when she met up with them.  
  
"Get away from me," hissed Gaz.  
  
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the coming of radioactive cupcakes with fangs and unwanted facial hair," the ballerina continued, then promptly exploded, with chunks of her leech suit falling back to Earth in flames.  
  
Dib broke out into a run toward Zim's base, afraid of whatever else could happen.  
  
Gaz walked into the nearby drug store. The cashier, who had two heads, looked at Gaz suspiciously for all of two seconds, and then went back to arguing with herself.   
  
Gaz picked up a pack of AA batteries, went to the front register, paid for the batteries and then left.  
  
A singing, dancing hunk of Spam twirled by as she left the strip mall. As she walked out the door, she noticed GIR hitting on a carpet shampooer. 


	8. We Went Dancing Across the USA...

Dib came bursting into Zim's labs to find that the organs had been destroyed by Jhonen, who had in his hand a very bloody sword.  
  
Zim was desperately trying to figure something out over at that machine of his, knowing that if he couldn't repair the knob that fell off they'd be stuck in this sad place.  
  
Suddenly he fell to his knees. "WHY!!!?? WHY CAPTAIN SQUEEGEE, WHY??!!!"  
  
"Again with Squee," said Dib, walking over.  
  
Dib picked up the knob that Zim had dropped, looked at it for a second, and then looked over to the machine. It only took him a moment to find where it went, and then reattached it to the machine, twisted it, and the machine turned on again.  
  
Zim looked up, and saw that Dib had fixed the machine. "I will destroy you Dib. Later."  
  
Zim jumped through the portal, followed by Gir, who was running, screaming "Don't forget me!!!", all the while pulling a large carpet shampooer.   
  
Dib watched Gir run past with the carpet shampooer and through the portal. Dib walked over, switched the dial to his home, and then went to go collect Gaz.  
  
Gaz was still outside, playing her video game. Dib grabbed her and drug her into Zim's house, down to the lab and through the portal.  
  
The both ended up back in their home world. Gaz briefly noticed, then returned to her game. Dib picked up a large Irken tool off of Zim's workbench and proceeded to bash the portal into a million pieces, making sure that Zim could never get back to their dimension.   
  
Later that night, Gaz was STILL playing her game, while Dib was watching Mysterious Mysteries. Suddenly the T.V went to static and was replaced by an image of Zim.  
  
"ZIM! What are you doing in my T.V?" asked Dib, surprised.  
  
"I'm not in your T.V Dib, I'm transmitting from ANOTHER WORLD!" exclaimed Zim. "And I'm just wondering why I can't get home."  
  
"Because I destroyed the portal on the other end," replied Dib.  
  
"Oh….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" exclaimed Zim, who promptly passed out, revealing Jhonen and Gir doing a duet of "Dancing Across the USA" by Lindsey Buckingham.  
  
"We went dancing across the USA on that crazy King's highway. Too much passion, too much play. We went dancin', dancin', dancin' 'cross the USA," sang Jhonen and GIR. Gir was perched on Jhonen's shoulder. They both had microphones. They apparently were in a nightclub of some sort. The audience were waving their lighters back and forth in sync.   
  
Dib picked up the remote, turned off the T.V and picked up a magazine. It was the latest issue of UFO Monthly.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
